The extensive makeup and wild costumes of KISS, using Vincent Price to narrate part of the song "Thriller," changing your first name to that of a woman and wearing makeup like Marilyn Manson: all outrageous acts of the wild rock and roll scene.
However, they're copies.
Alice Cooper did them all first.
The master of shock rock and the ultimate showman, Alice Cooper may be defined by many terms but the one word that does not describe him is boring.
More Mr. Nice Guy
He has a new album coming out in July with the working title of Along Came a Spider and a tour is also planned. The 60-year-old Mr. Nice Guy continues to rock.
I've seen Alice Cooper in concert two times. And let me tell you, for a guy who I have personally seen cut off his own head twice; he looks fantastic.
Alice is as famous, or infamous, for his stage shows as he is for his music. Elaborate stage settings, multiple costume changes and intense story lines make each show as nuanced as a Broadway play.
A Broadway musical, it should be said, because the foundation of an Alice Cooper concert is some head-banging, heart-clinching, pulse-racing rock and roll.
Before every show, he watches a kung-fu movie and then goes out on stage to die. He’s met his demise via the electric chair, gallows and the aforementioned guillotine. A straightjacket is usually involved. And to show you just the kind of family guy he really is, he has also killed his oldest daughter, Calico, on stage.
Really.
More Mr. Family Guy
Alice Cooper is a real family guy.
He and his wife have three children, live in the Phoenix area and work to support The Solid Rock Foundation. It is an organization that "has been dedicated to honor Christ by providing a facility geared toward teenagers that will help them to negotiate through the turbulent adolescent years." The facility is The Rock Teen Center and part of its funding comes from the annual 18 Holes of Rock 'n Roll celebrity golf tournament hosted by Alice himself.
A golfer that Tiger Woods identified as a superior celebrity golfer and was one he was reluctant to spot his four handicap, Alice credits golf for helping him to stay sober since 1983.
Where Jocks and Rock Meet
He also owns the restaurant called Coopers’town with the motto, "Where jocks and rock meet." If you go, don’t do anything too crazy because there is a webcam set up over the bar.
He has a MySpace page (doesn't everyone?) and has been presented with the key to the city of Alice, North Dakota, population 56.
When the letters of the Hollywood sign had to be replaced, the old ones were auctioned off to fund the project and Alice Cooper bought the O.
In 2003, he received his own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
And he has made two of the funniest television commercials ever.
In the Staples advertisement, he is shopping with a little girl who is clearly in a snit. She whines, "But you said 'School’s out forever.'" He said, "No, I said 'School's out for summer.'" Then he added, "Nice try, though."
The Marriott commercial has Alice, in full regalia, stopping a man mowing his lawn and asking when he had last had a real family vacation. He stressed how important it was to have quality family time because "You don’t want your kids to grow up to be weirdos, do you?" The commercial ended with two kids holding the handles of a jump rope while Alice jumped, no easy task given the height of the heel on his thigh-high boots, rhyming "My name is Alice, I live in a palace ..."
I can only imagine the rest of the words were "I hold no malice 'cause I can take Dallas and I'm ready to stop."
I know Alice would end the poem that way because of my all-time favorite song lyric in his song, "School's Out".
There are three lines each starting "we got no" and ending with class, principals and innocence, and then ends with this gem: "We can't even think of a word that rhymes."
Alice Cooper tells it like it is.
Could It Get Any Badder?
How many times have we all cringed to hear classic rockers rhyme "worn-out relation" with "the intoleration?" Or this gem from Emerson, Lake and Palmer: "Every day a little sadder, a little madder, someone get me a ladder."
Emerson, Lake or Palmer, any one of them, it doesn't matter, could have sung "I would be gladder," "that would be radder," "I am a Baghdadder" or even "pain in my bladder" before they got to "get me a ladder."
Alice would never get a ladder.
More Mr. Honesty
He was once quoted as saying, "If you’re listening to a rock star in order to get your information on who to vote for, you're a bigger moron than they are. Why are we rock stars? Because we're morons. We sleep all day, we play music at night and very rarely do we sit around reading the Washington Journal."
But think about it.
Alice is honest and a family man.
He likes sports, is a successful businessman, does charity work, goes to church and doesn't drink.
He has the coin to run a serious campaign and I believe "President Alice" has a nice ring to it.
We could do and have done a lot worse.
by Lynette Sheffield
