There are those we hear all too well. For the last eight years, Gary Trudeau could write an entire week’s worth of his comic strip Doonesbury with nothing but word balloons of verbatim George W. Bush quotes. “Will the highways on the internet become more few?” “Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?” To Pope Benedict XVI: “Thank you, your holiness. Awesome speech.”
Church is confusing enough for any child. They try to make you think Jesus is an unsalted cracker or the worst sin you can commit is to giggle during services. But some of the language lost a little in the translation to young ears.
The correct lyrics of the hymn "He Arose!" are “He arose with a mighty triumph o’er his foes.” But to someone who was too young to read it sounded like “He arose with a mighty trumpet up his nose.” Far more impressive, if you ask me.
Holy Harold
A lot of us thought God’s first name was Harold as the Lord’s Prayer starts: “Our Father who art in Heaven, Harold be his name.” This, too, explained the Harold Angels and the middle name of Jesus as in Jesus H. Christ.Classic rock can also provide alternate lyrics that are, in some cases, superior to the original. Some of the most uncomfortable times of my life were when I was driving the car trying not to laugh out loud as my two little ones in the car seats behind me belted out their favorite songs:
Duralee Dunder Sheep ("Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" by AC/DC)
Night Moose ("Night Moves" by Bob Seger) and sometimes just partial verses:
Who hides Lite Brite and wants to sew ('Who shines white light and wants to show' from "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin) and
On a dark, desert highway, Cool Whip in my hair ('Cool wind in my hair' from Eagles’ "Hotel California")
The real lyrics aren’t that much better. In Steve Miller Band’s "Take the Money and Run" they rhyme 'Texas,' 'facts is' and 'taxes.'
Really.
Emerson, Lake & Palmer’s song "Still You Turn Me On" has this gem: 'Every day a little sadder, a little madder, someone get me a ladder.'
REO Speedwagon’s "Time for Me to Fly" is every grammar freak’s nightmare. They chopped off 'relationship' to 'relation' in order to rhyme it with 'intoleration.' It’s not that hard to rhyme with real words. For example, you could add to Black Sabbath’s "Ironman" real lyrics, 'Fills his victims full of dread' with:
He OD’d on gingerbread
That was a gift from his friend, Fred
Who liked his soda cherry red
And hit a tree while on his sled
Now he’s dead
You, pinhead.
It’s that easy! And it’s a whole lot better than Texas and taxes.
Love Hurts (When You Try To Rhyme It)
Oh, also, note to rockers: Don’t ever end a line with love. Love really only rhymes with 'above' and 'dove' and both of those words are a little frilly. If you are writing a rock song, the last thing you want it to be is frilly.It should be as anti-frilly as possible.
If there was a way to rhyme 'love' with 'bazooka' it would make for the perfect rock anthem.
I read a critique of the most recent Super Bowl halftime performance and I know some of you may find this hard to believe, the writer did not know the title of the first song. Not only is this funny, it’s a little sad because Bruce Springsteen sings the title, "Tenth Avenue Freeze Out" only about 47 times throughout the song. By the way, if you have anything negative to say about that halftime show, save it because I’ll tell you right now what my response would be: you’re wrong. The Boss was AWESOME.
Of course, the most famous mondegreen is Jimi Hendrix in "Purple Haze" when he sings, '’Scuse me while I kiss the sky.' Some thought he was singing, '’Scuse me while I kiss this guy' and even Mr. Jimi himself thought that was so funny he sang those lyrics to Otis Redding when he was on stage one time. In Guitar Hero World Tour, the playable Jimi Hendrix character performs "Purple Haze" from a 1969 recording at the San Diego Sports Arena and delightfully points to the audience as he wickedly sings, 'Scuze me while I kiss THAT guy.'
When that part of the code was written into the game, you have to think Jimi and Otis were smiling somewhere under the loving gaze of Harold.
by Lynette Sheffield
